When I am sleep deprived, I can become a very negative, judgmental, impatient person. I get sucked into conversations with imaginary versions of people I love in my head. I practice biting remarks, revisit old arguments improving my retorts, and make a laundry list of criticisms I could throw as daggers. I feel like a cornered mouse - defensive with few defenses. Considering my 8 month old is cutting 4 teeth right now, you can imagine that I've been in a pretty dark place.
Then God smacks me upside the head with a daisy - an offering of wisdom and perspective from an unlikely source.
My seventeen-year-old cousin came over the other night and noticed a DIY project we had recently completed and insisted I visit this blog she just read where the writers posted instructions for the same project. She was very excited and sent me the link. Today, I followed the link to a blog about indie-chic homemaking. I was expecting to find lots of projects and recipes to post on Pinterest, not wisdom.
Then, bam! I saw this:
2. Be someone you would love.
It is always easier to blame others. Always. What's hard is looking to yourself and realizing that maybe it's you who needs to change. Before you have amazing relationships you have to be someone you would love. Be the mother you would want. Be the girlfriend you would fall in love with. This is a lifelong process the important people in your life will help you with if you are open to it. Stop focusing on others' shortcomings so much and instead work on yourself.
To do what Emma says is to cultivate the first attribute of loving kindness: seeing God in ourselves. Or as Rabbi Rami says, "Before we can behave in a holy manner... we first have to see ourselves as holy." (The Sacred Art of Loving Kindness, p. 8) In this way, too, we must first see ourselves as lovable so that we can love.
This morning I prayed to let go of the negativity. Thank you, God, for answering prayers.