Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Turning Thirty

I turn thirty tomorrow at 8:56 am. I'm nervous about it. There is something about thirty that dictates I know things like who I am, what I believe, how to live well, and who I want to be when I grow up, which is now. The finality of being a full fledged adult means I'm supposed to have my act together and in some ways I do. Marriage, house, dogs, job, long term savings - check! What God is calling me to do, how I should react to the burning fury I have in my heart about the state of public education, estranged relationships, how to raise an interfaith kid, my lack of spiritual discipline - all completely up in the air! So, because my default mode is nerdy research, I have turned to a book. Edwina Gateley is a poet and missionary who wrote A Mystical Heart, which is a 52 week devotional guide. Each devotional consists of a quote, a poem, an illustration, and an assignment. I began last week and my assignment was to plant something. It's been too cold or I've been too busy to do this literally. Instead, I planted an idea in my mind: I can proactively seek ways to live a spiritual life in relationship with God even when I'm busy and overwhelmed by life. I also planted in my heart that it is okay if this process is imperfect, stilted, or difficult. Thus, I began a new journey. This week's assignment is rather poignant. "Just be exactly where you are - it is where you are meant to be. Rejoice in it." Okay, I'll go with it. I'm supposed to be 30. I'm supposed to be wondering about the future and reflecting on the past. I'm supposed to be struggling with how to be more fully committed to a life with God. And I'm supposed to be wondering how my choice of an interfaith family will affect the little life growing inside me. I think I can live with this. Thank you, Edwina, for writing inspiring poetry and challenging me to rediscover my mystical heart.

1 comment:

  1. Happy (late) birthday! I'm glad you discovered onbeingboth.com, thanks for stopping by.